So after a while of posting random videos on YouTube, I then started to post YouTube videos about gaming, specifically playing Minecraft. I had always loved gaming ever since I was younger and I have my brothers to thank for that. I actually got over it, it took a lot of work but I did do it, which is when I started to have a love for social media and wanted to do it as my career. My mom saw this as a big problem and guided me towards her colleagues to help me out (my mother was a counsellor, she still kind of is but she does a lot more). I was insecure about my body so much that it threw me into a place where I couldn't bare to look at myself without having an episode. Around 9 is when puberty hit me and they still have not stopped growing and it's been 10 years.īut anyways, the point was these girls on social media were wearing cute clothes that I loved and would only fit their small chests and small bone structure (I have a more built muscular build) and didn't look good on me and never would because my body was just genetically different. But growing up I developed very fast and very big. Most people wouldn't know because of my online presence I never really showed my body and honestly tried to hide as much as possible. I feel like most people will think I'm talking about having boobs (I'm going to talk about body parts get over it), but I was actually wishing I didn't have boobs. How their bodies were shaped in ways mine wasn't. Covid also pushed me into being online a lot more, which sprouted my body dysmorphia, this was because I was on social media looking at all these other people and how different they were compared to me. It forced me to face my inner demons and all the things I hated about myself. Covid was probably the worse and best thing that happened to me. This is when my depression truly started to express itself. To put you into perspective I had around 3 different classes daily. I fell into having to actually face my deep inner thoughts and demons which I had been cleverly avoiding by staying distracted and always on the move. ![]() This threw me into being alone without seeing my friends and at 15 my friends were my life. Then covid hit around when I was 15 turning 16. But recently I realized that studying is the best talent to have, I can learn anything essentially, and at a rapid speed. Not the best thing to be good at don't you think? That's what I thought at the time. The one thing I knew, is that I had a born talent of studying. This is when I started to really focus on school and nothing else. After I injured my neck my passion for it evaporated. Although I pulled away from gymnastics when I started to get injured. I did more classes learning as much as I could. I had been doing it since I was around 9 I think, don't quote me on that. (Yes, I have a list, you can laugh) After theatre not only is when I started writing more but also when I took gymnastics more seriously. Which is why that's still one of the things I want to become. Once I left the musical theatre world that's when I really took a pause and was like "Hold up what in the world do I want to do if I don't want to be an actress" (Remember I worked really hard at that for around 8 years) I had my main focus on acting for 8 years, I did other things on the side, but after removing that one huge thing I proceeded to think "Was all that for nothing since I wasn't going to pursue it?" I then thought "Well I have always loved writing stories what if I became an author?" I wrote a lot of stories and loved it. Learning how to take care of and look out for myself is one of the most valuable lessons I learned from poverty. That way I know they'll be done exactly the way I want them to be. ![]() I have no problem being alone or doing things for myself. You have to learn to rely on yourself and to be by yourself because, in the end, you might be all you have. No one was going to do everything for you. ![]() If you wanted something, you had to go out and get it. It made me a more independent and self-reliant person.įrom a young age, my parents instilled the values of independence and self-reliance into my siblings and I. I've grown to appreciate those seemingly normal, essential, everyday things as much as I appreciate the big things in my life, like the opportunity to get an education.Ħ. For example, electricity, hot water and gas in my car are things I've gone without more than once in my lifetime. Growing up poor made me appreciate the things that others overlook. Often people take the small, mundane every day things in their life for granted. It taught me to appreciate the little things.
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